I'm Choosing To Love My Body

Today was an emotional day for me. Every morning I leave my desk, change into an old tee, my yoga pants, and sneakers, and run for 3 miles. Some days are harder than others, some days I feel like I'm really kicking ass, and other days (like today) it's not even about running at all.

 

I've always had body issues. I know, I know. Join the club - isn't that part of being a woman in America... hating your body? Each day I start my morning examining every single dimple and bulge and flaw and I end my day re-examining and hating even more. It's exhausting. And furthermore, if another person dared to speak to me the way that I speak to myself I don't think that I would continue being around them.

 

In middle school I dated a boy for an entire year even though he was abusive. I ate saltines for lunch and I believed him when he told me that nobody would ever love me except for him, because I was ugly.

 

Even though I wore a size 0-2 jeans throughout high school, I still allowed people to make fun of my body, I still starved myself, and the hatred for my body continued to grow.

 

In college I abused my body by flooding it with alcohol and other drugs. I punished myself for every calorie that I "over-indulged" in. I took diet pills and settled on a certain way of life with certain people because... I was ugly.

 

I started exercising on a regular basis this year, because I was tired. Tired of hating my body, tired of allowing people to abuse my body, and tired of settling on unhealthy people because I didn't think I deserved any better. Not too long ago, I was having dinner with a close girlfriend and I said to myself "she's too pretty to be hanging out with you." I began thinking that I was embarrassing people because I was the "fat girl" in the group. I hated taking pictures because I didn't want to be reminded of how ugly I was or how fat I had gotten. I cringed when my boyfriend would grab my waste because "how could he love this body?".

 

I hope that as you are reading this, you are thinking how immature and idiotic this all sounds. I am not extremely overweight and even if I were, the people in my life are not there simply because of my pants size. My boyfriend doesn't date me because I can still fit into clothes at Forever21 or American Eagle. My friends don't enjoy my company because I count calories and restrict my diet. All of this negativity that has become so routine in my life has nothing to do with my body type. It has everything to do with myself and the journey that I need to complete not for anyone else, but for myself. The most important person in my whole entire world.

 

At first I started exercising because I was unhappy with the way that I looked. I was weighing myself on a daily basis, and if I wasn't losing 2 pounds a week you guessed it... I punished myself by cutting down every single flaw (real or imagined) and reminding myself that I just wasn't worth it.

 

But then it was really weird, because something a few weeks ago began to change. I stopped weighing myself and started running for a different reason - because I was pushing myself and seeing improvements in my health and in my endurance. I noticed that if I wanted to run a certain distance without stopping, I could push myself and I would achieve it. I noticed that if I chose to eat healthy meals and became more aware of what I was putting into my body, that I felt better and had more energy (also my daily headaches disappeared, added bonus!).

 

And then today, I was able to run outside for a much longer distance than I expected and rather than cutting myself down I whispered "You did it! You ran further than you thought you could! You're getting so much better!" Those words came out so naturally from my lips, and right there I realized that I wasn't doing this for anyone else anymore. I realized that I'm taking time out of my day to be healthy because I want that for myself and I deserve it.

 

It's so corny to say all of this out loud, but that positivity about my own body coming out so freely was overwhelming. I stopped for a moment and allowed myself to fill up with that positivity, and then I kept on pushing myself and running all the way back to my office. You see, it's not work anymore - it's finally, almost 3 months later, become a lifestyle that I commit to because I want to be healthy and for once it's all about me. It has nothing to do with anyone else, and that feels so good because it's been such a long time coming.

 

So I'm not going to allow myself to talk negatively about my body anymore because I wouldn't let anyone else talk to me that way. I don't care about the number on a scale, because no matter what that number is it does not change my worth as an individual. I'm going to start loving myself and treating myself like my very best friend... because if I don't love myself, why should I expect others to?

 

I think that women who are proud of their bodies are sometimes looked down upon in our society, and I'm over that. I'm sick of it being "okay" to hate your body. Hell - I love my body. My body can run several miles outside without stopping. My body gets me to and from work every morning and throughout every second of the day. My body gave up a kidney several years ago so that some one else's body could survive. My body can sing, and dance, and rest, and jump, and swim. I have a sexy ass!!! I can do anything with my body that I work for. And for that, I love my body.



Workout Diaries: V.X

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Thursday is already here again and I cannot believe it! This week I was able to get right back on track, and I added weight training to my workout routine which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (ehhhh except for ab day, which almost killed me!)

 

This week I actually got to be one of those girls - I caught myself checking out my calf muscles in the mirror and boy does it feel good to see them looking good after all those miles I've been putting on them!

To see past diary entries, >>> CLICK HERE <<<

Weightloss Goal & Pounds Lost To Date:

My goal is to lose a total of 60 pounds. So far I've lost a total of 6 pounds since the beginning of January. I decided to not weigh myself this week because honestly last week bummed me out. What I have noticed is that my legs look much more toned and my stomach is getting smalled. Clothes are starting to fit much better and so that's all I really cared about this week!

What’s Keeping Me Motivated:

>> THIS << calorie counter. I know I say this every week but damnnnnn it really does keep me in check.

I'm also prepping for the (Love Rox) race next FRIDAY! I can't even believe that it's already here but I am excited to see how much of it I can actually jog.... my goal is to jog the whole thing so we shall see. I'm also prepping for the 5k (Rugged Maniacs) in May. Andddd I'm getting ready for the Color Me Rad 5k April 20th. My schedule is packed and I love it!

How I'm Staying Active:

I am so lucky that I can walk to and from work, and that's such an easy 3 miles to knock out each day. I've also been running 2 miles straight in the gym every week day and added weights. I do arms on Monday's (lateral pull down, bicep curls, tricep pushdown, and dumbells), work my core on Tuesdays (crunches, planks, bent knee hip raises), and then lower body on Friday (stability ball squats, forward lunges, lying abduction, lying leg curls). This was my first week of weight training and it was hard and my whole body is so sore..... but I kind of love it! I'm excited to get stronger!

Healthy Foods I’ve Tried:

My diet has gotten much healthier and I'm happy that things are finally becoming routine. I really like eating the same things over and over again, so a routine is what I was looking for. I eat a ton of fruit, lots of veggies, and drink water constantly. We eat a lot of baked chicken in our house, but this week I haven't really been in the mood for meat and I've eaten more pasta than I probably should.

Goals For The Upcoming Week:

Next week I really want to just keep up with the weight training and continuing to go 5 days a week. I saw something that I really liked this week and motivated me - people always assume that going to the gym every day is always going to be enjoyable. It's like a marriage... not every day of being married is easy and carefree, some days are more work than others.

How have you been staying active?

*Workout Diaries is a weekly post that will track and monitor the progress that I am making as I attempt to lose 60 pounds. Please feel free to follow along and post your success stories or struggles in the comments section!

 

Workout Diaries: VIII

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This week I totally kicked butt in the gym, and I can already tell that it's paying off!!! Dare I say that I actually don't dread gym time these days? I still don't love it.... but not hating it is nice!

To see past diary entries, >>> CLICK HERE <<<

Weightloss Goal & Pounds Lost To Date:

My goal is to lose a total of 60 pounds this year. So far I've lost a total of 6 pounds and this is only my third week! I was hoping that the beginning would show results pretty quickly, because I've made some drastic changes to my diet and I am active 5-6 days out of the week. I'm really, really proud of myself and as corny as it sounds I just wanted to say that if I can make these changes anyone can. Nobody hated working out or eating healthy more than me... and here I am 3 weeks later and I'm more motivated than ever. The confidence that I've had these past few weeks is unbelievable and only makes me want to continue!

What’s Keeping Me Motivated:

>> THIS << calorie counter is still keeping me right on track - seriously, you really have to check it out. I've found that I get really competitive with myself and that I like to see how many calories I can have left over by the end of the day. Before you get all that's so not healthy on me.... what I mean is that if I have 200 calories left after dinner, I usually don't use them up on a bowl of ice cream because I know now that if I go to sleep too full I just don't sleep as well. I also mean that if I see that my calories for the day are going to break even, that might be my push to eat an apple over a bag of chips, or it might be my push to go for a walk if I haven't been active all day. I really like that I'm challenging myself in this way, because it's made things fun for me. Since I know that I like to compete with myself now, I'm thinking about investing in either THIS or THIS -- so more to come on that later!

I'm also prepping for the (Love Rox) race next month and a 5k obstacle course race (Rugged Maniacs) in May. The last time I did a 10k I was able to finish in a hour in a half, and this year I'm going for even faster! If I want to jog more than half of that 10k, I need to train and so that's helping me to push myself even further in the gym. I know that I can jog the 5k no problem at this point, so next month I'm really going to focus on upper body strength which is going to be a totally new thing for me. The thought of a 3 mile obsticle course is really freaking me out, so I'm going to use that fear in the gym and turn it into motivation!

How I'm Staying Active:

I have been putting in 6 miles per day, 5 days out of the week. The first 3 miles are easy, because I walk to and from work (and those hills are definitely rocking my calf muscles!). Initially, I was splitting the other half of those miles up by jogging for the first mile, walking half a mile, jogging the second mile, and walking the last half mile (on the treadmill - March I start doing all of this outside!) This week was actually really awesome, because I am now able to run the first 2 miles without stopping -or dying!!!!- and then the last mile I walk/run as I feel comfortable. I don't think I've ever been able to do that much without stopping so that difference in my endurance has been really rewarding.

Healthy Foods I’ve Tried:

I haven't been cutting things out of my diet, and by doing that and still losing at least 2lbs a week I feel really good. Last Friday I had McDonald's for lunch and then I ordered pizza for dinner, and the rest of the weekend I was on track and a little more active that I usually am. So I think I'm finding a balance and that's my ultimate goal because this is a lifestyle change, not a crash diet.

 

With that said, I am starting to see my taste buds changing. I've never been a huge fan of fruit, but lately I've been reaching for strawberries, bananas, and grapes for breakfast or a quick snack before the gym. I'm eating a lot more vegetables that I ever have, and I actually like how they taste without needing to add butter to them. One thing I'm really focusing on is eating clean foods and staying away from processed foods as much as possible. I cook dinner each night so that I know exactly what's going into my body, and I make enough for lunch for the next day so that I'm not tempted to eat out.

 

The only thing that is a negative at this point is that for the past two weeks I haven't really felt like "myself" and I'm assuming that's because my body is still detoxing. What I mean is, I'll feel nauseous sometimes when I eat and I'll almost have to force myself to finish a meal... I don't know it's really weird and I just keep telling myself it's normal. When I feel like this, I usually try to go easy with myself and remind myself that these changes I've made so far are really huge. Sometimes I'll treat myself to a coffee or I'll eat a few of these chips that I've really been loving lately. I don't go crazy with those things like I used to, but I'll just have a small amount to kind of help when that yucky-nausea feeling creeps up every now and then and that's really been helping a lot. I really hope that goes away within the next few weeks... has anyone else out there experienced this ever??

 

I wanted to mention that while that has been a negative, I can really tell that the foods that I am eating are making me feel better in other ways. I've always gotten really, really bad headaches/migraines and was getting them several times a week.... and no joke I've only had ONE this month, and it was a pressure headache from the rain we were getting. Also, I had developed acid reflux, and this has totally disappeared and I haven't needed any of my medication for the whole month. I can deal with a little detox-induced nausea if it means that these health issues are gone for good!

Goals For The Upcoming Week:

I really want to continue to push myself in the gym. I was so excited about being able to run 2 miles back to back that I want to see how much further I can go. Also, I want to continue to stay active on the weekends and to continue to stay strong with my diet - I want to keep losing 2lbs per week!

 

A big thing that I realized this week (ok a huuuuge thing!) is that I haven't been craving cigarettes at all for two weeks now so I would like to continue to not smoke. Also, I've never been a big drinker but I think I've maybe had 1-2 alcoholic drinks this whole month and I really want to keep that going because they just add empty calories. What about you guys.... what are you doing to stay healthy??

*Workout Diaries is a weekly post that will track and monitor the progress that I am making as I attempt to lose 60 pounds. Please feel free to follow along and post your success stories or struggles in the comments section!

Workout Diaries: VII

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I can't even express how happy I am that this week is almost over. I feel bad saying that, but it's been rainy all week and walking to work in this weather has just gotten me in the worst mood.  But the good news is that I've stayed motivated and kept active all week! Also, I have a 3 day weekend coming up... so I can't be but so annoyed!

To see past diary entries, >>> CLICK HERE <<<

Weightloss Goal & Pounds Lost To Date:

My goal is to lose a total of 60 pounds. So far I've lost a total of 3 pounds since last Monday!

What’s Keeping Me Motivated:

 >> THIS << calorie counter continually keeps me active! For me, logging all of my foods and seeing how many calories I'm using is what keeps me motivated. If I know that I want a soda or Starbucks, I'll put in a few extra miles so that I can get those extra calories. I was surprised, because I had been looking forward to NOT working out over the weekend... but I found myself putting in an extra 5 miles because I just couldn't justify sitting on the couch all day.

 I'm also prepping for the (Love Rox) race next month and a 5k obstacle course race (Rugged Maniacs) in May. The last time I did a 10k I was able to finish in a hour in a half.... and I'd really, really like to beat that time! The only way to improve is to put in the work... so that's exactly what I'm doing.

 

Also, a special shout out to our new pup Kanga... her energy is on a whole different level, and if she isn't exercising everyone else is miserable. So that's keeping everyone in our household much more active, especially on the weekends.

How I'm Staying Active:

I'm still walking a total of 3 miles every day, just walking to and from work. During the week I've been putting in an additional 3 miles in the gym, and I make sure 2 of those miles are strictly jogging. On the weekends, we've found a 3 mile route that we like to take the pups on... so weather permitting I hope to do that several times over the weekend. Once it's spring-time and not dark when I get home, I want to start taking that loop in the evenings as well.

Healthy Foods I’ve Tried:

I've been eating much healthier than I have in a long time, and like I said last week my portion sizes are less than half of what I was originally serving myself. I've really been loving frozen grapes, bananas, and strawberries for snacks during the day. I've also made sure that I have at least 1 vegetable side for both lunch and dinner.

 

I found >> THIS << recipe for cauliflower bread sticks, and I think this might have to find it's way to my mouth pretty soon!

Goals For The Upcoming Week:

I want to continue to walk to work every day, and to stay in the gym 5 days per week. Also, next week I'd like to start doing weight training twice per week in preparation for the Rugged Maniacs.

*Workout Diaries is a weekly post that will track and monitor the progress that I am making as I attempt to lose 60 pounds. Please feel free to follow along and post your success stories or struggles in the comments section!

Workout Diaries: VI

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Hey, hey!  Another work week is almost at a close, and every Thursday I try to blog about my fitness accomplishments and struggles for the week as a way to keep myself accountable and motivated. I think that since I've graduated from college (you know... mid-day naps, 2 hours in the gym, parties, dancing...... oh, and occasionally class!) my health in general has declined. I've gained a ton of weight, and working a desk job has really taken it's toll on my fitness level. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this series, and please feel free to comment any tips or tricks that you've found and if you'd like to link up, let me know in the comments so I can follow along! 

 

To see past diary entries, >>> CLICK HERE <<<

Weightloss Goal & Pounds Lost To Date:

My goal is to lose a total of 60 pounds, which would bring me to the weight when I felt the most confident - high school. That's a hefty goal to have, but it's totally possible to do it the healthy way as long as I put in the work. This week I got back into the gym and really pushed myself, and I lost my first pound! I've never worked so hard for anything in my entire life, and I really feel proud of myself for pushing through, even on those days that I just didn't feel like putting in the effort.

What’s Keeping Me Motivated:

I really haven't gotten to the point where I love working out. Truthfully, I don't even like it yet. But I know that in the past I've really enjoyed running and being active and I really can't wait to get back to that point. My good friend Sarah shared >> THIS << calorie counter with me last week, and in all honesty it's been my #1 motivator. It's helped me to learn actual portion sizes (I'm now eating less than half of what I was usually serving up per meal) and really gotten me to focus on what I put into my body. Also, every time I work out it adds calories to my daily allotted amount... so I know that if I don't work out, I won't be able to have that late night bowl of ice cream or snack because I'll be out of calories. Seriously, it's been such an eye opener!

 

Also, I've signed up for a 10k (Love Rox) race next month and a 5k obsticle course race (Rugged Maniacs) in May. I'm debating on signing up for another 5k in April. But anyway, I know that these races are right around the corner and so that really pushes me to give it my all at the gym. I've always always always wanted to complete a half marathon, so one of my goals this year is to complete a race every 1-3 months and get my body ready for the Yuengling Shamrock race next March. Fitness is all about making lifestyle changes, and if I constantly have a race to look forward to then I have no reason to slack in the gym!!

How I'm Staying Active:

Like I said, this week I've really been pushing myself in the gym. I walk to and from work, so I count those 3 miles because it's a very hilly walk and I walk at a brisk pace. I'm lucky enough to have a gym in my office building, so on my lunch breaks I've been hitting the treadmill hard running 2 miles and speed-walking 1 mile. That's a total of  6 miles per day - 30 miles a week! Not bad if I do say so myself!

Healthy Foods I’ve Tried:

Up until recently, my diet has consisted of highly processed foods and my portion sizes were probably 3x what they should be. I had been coming home from work and feeling sick to my stomach from eating too much dairy (I'm lactos-intolerant) and tired from late afternoon runs to the vending machine. Also, I had developed acid reflux which is very uncomfortable. To top it all off, I donated my kidney 2 years ago and the extra weight has been making my kidney work overtime.

 

I had an 'ah-ha' moment at work a few weeks ago, and started asking myself if eating like a twelve year old was really the most responsible thing that I could be doing with my life. Diabetes runs in my family, and I don't want my poor eating choices to effect my health in a very serious way. So, I have made a huge change in my diet and although it's only been a week I honestly think that what I'm eating is going to be extremely possibly to stick to.

 

I love to cook, so I've taken this as a personal challenge to make healthy food taste good. I have traded my morning bagel with butter for fresh fruit, stopped drinking high calorie beverages at Starbucks,  and my lunches are leftovers from the night before - which forces me to cook every night rather than giving into laziness which is usually popping a pizza in the oven. This week I tried Quinoa, which I now love, and I've eaten a lot of rice, beans, veggies, turkey, chicken, and shrimp. I've stopped relying on carbs to fill me up, and instead added more fresh foods... I haven't even eaten any bread all week which is amazing to me!

Goals For The Upcoming Week:

This week was tough, I'm not gonna lie. Every day in the gym I would be in the middle of running a mile and I'd say to myself "just stop, start walking, you cant finish all of this" but each and every time I have! This has just proved that I can do anything I put my mind to and made me realize that my goal can actually be accomplished if I put the work in. Next week my goal is to just continue to ignore that little voice telling me that I can't. I want to continue my 6 miles of cardio, 5 days a week. I want to continue to eat healthy foods and discover different meal options.

 

I'm ready for this challenge!

*Workout Diaries is a weekly post that will track and monitor the progress that I am making as I attempt to lose 60 pounds. Please feel free to follow along and post your success stories or struggles in the comments section!